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I feel like I'm in a David Ives play. - Chaz Meyers [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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I feel like I'm in a David Ives play. [Aug. 18th, 2006|11:36 am]
Chaz Meyers
Saturday


Comcast: Hello, this is Comcast. How can I help you?
Me: Hi. I would like to sign up for new service. My address is 1000 South MyStreet Avenue.
Comcast: OK! Let's see here... we don't serve your area. Let me transfer your call to an automated line that will tell you who serves your area.

DING

Voice: Hello, this is Automated Service. Please state your zip code.
Me: 19104.
Voice: OK! Let's see here... both Comcast and Time-Warner serve this area. Please state your address.
Me: 1000 South MyStreet Avenue.
Voice: Did you say 10 Towels and Sausa?
Me: No.
Voice: Sorry! Let's try that again.

DING

Me: 1000 South MyStreet Avenue.
Voice: Did you say 1052 Springstein Parkway?
Me: No.
Voice: Sorry! Let's try that again.

DING

Me: 1000 South MyStreet Avenue.
Voice: OK! Let's see here... both Comcast and Time-Warner serve this area. *click*

DING

TW: Hi. Time-Warner.
Me: Hi. I would like to sign up for new service. My address is 1000 South South MyStreet Avenue.
TW: Comcast serves that area. *click*

DING

Comcast: Hello, this is Comcast. How can I help you?
Me: Hi. I would like to sign up for new service. My address is 1000 South MyStreet Avenue.
Comcast: OK! Let's see here... we don't serve your area. Time-Warner does. Let me transfer you to an automated line that will confirm who serves your area.

DING

Me: 1000 South MyStreet Avenue.
Voice: Did you say 1052 Springstein Parkway?
Me: ... *click*

DING

Comcast: Really? The automated line doesn't work that well? Let me walk you through it as a conference call.
Wait. Time passes.
Voice: Hello, this is Automated Service. Please state your zip code.
Comcast: 19104.
Voice: OK! Let's see here... both Comcast and Time-Warner serve this area. Please state your address.
Comcast: 1000 South MyStreet Avenue.
Voice: Did you say 10 Towels and Sausa?
Comcast: ...

DING

Comcast: OK! Let's see here... we don't serve your area. Time-Warner does. Let me transfer you to an automated line that will confirm who serves your area.
Me: No! Wait! Time-Warner says that you serve my area!
Comcast: ...? Really?
Me: Yes!
Comcast: Hm. Hold on a few. I'm going to call them and check.
Wait. Time passes.
Wait. Time passes.
Wait. Time passes. It is getting dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
Comcast: OK. I got them to agree that they serve your area. Let me transfer you.
Me: ...
TW: Hi.
Me: Hi?
TW: Yeah. I guess we serve you. What's your address again?
Me: 1000 South MyStreet Avenue.
TW: Are you sure that's not North MyStreet Avenue?
Me: Yes. It's 1000 South MyStreet Avenue.
TW: Wait. Are you sure that's not 1002 South MyStreet Avenue?
Me: Er. Yeah.
TW: Oh. Well... hm. Your address isn't in our system. The rest of your block is, but not your house.
Me: Er.. OK?
TW: Yeah. I can't add it in, but there'll be someone in on Monday who will be able to.

DING

Monday

TW: Are you sure that's not North MyStreet Avenue?
Me: Yes. It's 1000 South MyStreet Avenue.
TW: Wait. Are you sure that's not 1002 South MyStreet Avenue?
Me: Er. Yeah.
TW: That's fine. We'll have you entered in 48 hours.
Me: Wednesday??

DING

Wednesday

TW: OK. Great. So we'll send someone out to 1000 North MyStreet Avenue a week from tomorrow.
Me: Excuse me. Did you say 1000 NORTH MyStreet? I live at 1000 SOUTH MyStreet.
TW: Really? Good thing you caught that! Now, let's see... Now this is weird. 1000 South MyStreet Avenue isn't in our system!

DING

Me: Are you sure my address is deliverable?
USPS: Why, yes. It comes up as a valid address.
Me: Really? Because your website says it is non-deliverable.
USPS: Hm. Let me transfer you to someone else.

DING

Me: Are you sure my address is deliverable?
USPS: Why, yes. It comes up as a valid address.
Me: Really? Because your website says it is non-deliverable.
USPS: Hm. Well, it says on my terminal that address doesn't have a carrier. So the central mail office in Philadelphia might carry your mail. Let me transfer you to them.

DING

USPS Philly: Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring....

DING

Thursday

TW: Now this is weird. 1000 South MyStreet Avenue isn't in our system! When did you call it in?
Me: Monday.
TW: Ah. It takes 4-5 days to be added into our system.
Me: ...

DING

Me: Are you sure my address is deliverable?
USPS: Why, yes. It comes up as a valid address.
Me: Really? Because
USPS: Excuse me sir.
Me: your website
USPS: Excuse me sir.
Me: says
USPS: Excuse me sir.
Me: it is
USPS: Excuse me sir. Sorry for interrupting you, but my computer says it is a valid address, so clearly it is a valid address!
Me: Um. OK.

DING

USPS Philly: Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring....

DING

Today

TW: When did you call it in?
Me: Monday.
TW: Did you send in proof of residence? Like a lease or a bill?
Me: No...
TW: Did anyone tell you to do that?
Me: Uh, no. They just said it was going to be 48 hours. Or 4-5 business days.
TW: Who did you talk to? I'll talk to them and find out what's going on.

DING

2 minutes later

TW: Hi! This is the person you talked to yesterday!
Me: Uh, hi.
TW: I'm just calling up to let you know that your address is not in yet. It'll be in on Monday for sure!
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: revjim
2006-08-18 04:58 pm (UTC)
Oh my good god. That's insane.

And I know all too well from the Providers viewpoint about how nasty addressing can be and we would NEVER handle a situation the way you're being treated.

Yuck.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: cpm
2006-08-18 07:05 pm (UTC)
At this point, I'm more concerned that we won't receive mail in a timely fashion than the service hook ups.

The building is on a corner and has two seperate entrances: one for my unit on "MyStreet" and another for 5 or so other units on "OtherStreet". "OtherStreet" is a fine address according to the USPS website, while "MyStreet" is fine but non-deliverable. Normally that wouldn't be a problem except we have no access to the "OtherStreet" entrance.

I'm thinking the USPS thinks we're just a basement for the rest of the building and have us flagged not to receive mail. Then when the cable companies get their address information off of the USPS they presume we're not an address either.

So, while Time-Warner and Comcast are trying my patience, Philly's central post office is frustrating me the most.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: revjim
2006-08-18 07:10 pm (UTC)
Well.. as far as mail goes (and therefore, every other service in the known universe when it comes to getting people to show up at your house)... whatever the post office thinks your address is... use it. Call them and ask them... if they don't know... then ask them how to find out. I think it may serve you best to approach them stating that you don't know and would like to find out... as opposed to saying "why isn't this my address?"... then... they can work out the problems. :)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: njcowgurl
2006-08-18 05:24 pm (UTC)
You and manda moved into a house that doesn't exist? Awesome.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: cpm
2006-08-18 07:05 pm (UTC)
Pretty much.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: regression
2006-08-18 06:23 pm (UTC)
first, let me say be careful moving into a zip code with 19104 :-p
2nd, if you must live there, try either direct tv or urban cableworks. my boyfriend had the direct tv and loved it. i had urban cableworks, they were ok, not too much different from comcast, but they definitely service most of the area. i'm not exactly sure where "mystreet" ;) is but i'm vaguely familiar with the area and i know a lot of people had urban.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: cpm
2006-08-18 06:45 pm (UTC)
Time-Warner bought Urban Cableworks, and they do seem to be the cable provider for our area.

I've been holding out on these guys rather than looking into what directv/dsl offerings are in the area because I was hoping to get a better deal by getting both TV and internet connectivity from the same company. If this keeps up much longer I might not have any choice but to look elsewhere.

What company did your boyfriend use for internet?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: mattressmatinee
2006-08-19 01:52 am (UTC)
wow, big ups to zork reference.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: paininbutt
2006-08-19 03:09 am (UTC)

wow this area sucks!!

ok so i know that time warner does serve this area cause thats what we use but i dont recomend their wireless cause we hardly get good signal....in regaurds to your non existant house in the eyes of philly usps...good luck...and i think someone is playing an elaborate prank... =P
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: duckssaymip
2006-08-19 06:20 am (UTC)
Chazzy, I love you, and I'll call you soon. DRUNK, but still, love you, because you're the nicest man I know. Mip.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: kapowell
2006-08-19 01:04 pm (UTC)
I have nothing to say but wow...
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: justjesstu
2006-08-19 10:36 pm (UTC)
i was exhausted just reading that!

hope you're address comes outof the vortex and decides to exist :0)
(Reply) (Thread)