Chaz Meyers (cpm) wrote,
Chaz Meyers

"The Neverending Apt Story That Ended" or "My Afternoon With Roommates, Thieves, Kids, and Liars"

For some odd reason, with the exception of my mom, my entire family is nocturnal. It started really weirding me out that the house seemed more active at 3:00 am than 3:00 pm. Oh well.

I promised I would write about the end of our apartment drama.
The people who are moving in realize around the 15th-20th that they don't have a lease signed yet, so they finally start being proactive.
Laura, our lovely landlady, contacts me and asks me to get in touch with everyone and set a signing date. Keep in mind, everyone's pretty scattered at this point, so this is a non-trivial feat.
She contacts me again a few days later, after spending a few days getting scheduling information from everyone, and tells me the signing date will be on the 30th at 2:00 pm.
On the 28th, everyone gets a lovely email from Laura. The tenents were not pleased with the state of the apartment when Bitner and Steve were 1/2 moved out and their stuff was everywhere. Also, Laura doesn't know how to spell my name after over a year. I am hurt.
Her email, as quoted, and my reply, as not quoted.

Date: Wed, 28 Jul 2004 16:27:20 -0400 (Eastern Daylight Time)
[To and from lines removed]
Subject: Re: Fw:

On Wed, 28 Jul 2004, Laura Ana Knecht wrote:

> Hey guys,
> Attached is an e-mail from the spokesperson of the group that you plan
> to transfer your lease rights to.
> I got a call from Joy's father who told me that the place was filthy and
> must be professionally cleaned.  They also have a list of concerns.  I
> explained to Chas that the apartment should be delivered to them the way
> you guys got it. Some of their demands may seem frivolous and they may
> be over-reacting, however, I need to know if there are any major issues,
> and I expect that the apartment is not filthy. Please let me know what
> you think, before I address their concerns.
> Thank you,
> Laura


Last time I visited the apartment, about a week and a half ago, it was
cluttered because Brian and Steve were half-moved-out, and Diana was
(and is!) still living there.

To call the apartment filthy is a gross overstatement.

Regardless, much of that should have already been taken care of. Since
the last time I was at the apartment, Brian and Steve have moved the
remainder of their belongings out and cleaned.

I'll respond to each of those complaints individually below.

> Foyer: Light fixture is held on by a wire and sparks when
> touched and there was trash in the closet.

We never changed the bulbs in that light fixture, so if that is the case,
that's dating back to before we moved in.

Last time I was there, there were some appliance boxes in the closet.
Nothing that was unsanitary, as the word "trash" might imply. If they
haven't been removed already, they would certainly be removed before

> 1st bedroom on right: could not check the windows because
> they were covered with duct tape and insulation.

The windows are in the same condition they were when we moved in. Steve
stays awake at night and sleeps through the day, so he covered the windows
to block out the sun. I imagine he removed the duct tape when he removed
the rest of his belongings. Again, if not, this would be taken care of
before the signing.

> connected bathroom:  mildew, soap scum, cracked grout in
> the
> shower. Broken toilet lid and tank. all fixtures are rusted
> and the floors were filthy. the doors connecting the
> bedrooms to the bathroom stick and are extremely difficult
> to open and close.

Diana's still using that shower, so I'm guessing that's why it's not
sparkling clean! I am certain it will be before Friday.

The toilet is in the same condition it was when we moved in. I never
noticed anything about it being broken. I'll take a look at it tomorrow
and try to figure out what they're talking about.

The doors have been sticky since day 1.

> bedroom: window is cracked.

We complained about that before we moved in. The complaint is still valid
and we hope one day it is addressed.

> Living room: water damage in ceiling. and newspaper in the
> windows

I never saw any water damage, so I have no clue what they're talking

The newspaper is in the windows because the man you hired to look at our
heat/cooling/electricity issues during the summer told us to. I'll remove
them if you like, but realistically the window needs to be replaced or
fixed as it has no insulation.

As a reminder, we did bring up before that windows were broken and not
properly insulated. You told us that you had delayed with this because the
windows were vintage and you wanted to keep the that look as long as you
could. You also said that you had finally decided to replace the windows
in all of the apartments one by one. I haven't heard anything about this
since then.

> single Bedroom: Door is cracked. bathroom in that room has
> soap scum and mildew floor is mildewed and dirty. shower
> door
> doesn't close.

The room is in the same condition we received it, complete with
non-closing door.

Of course, the bathroom will be clean before they receive it.

> Kitchen: Fluorescent lights are broken no faceplate on most
> outlets. fume hood is covered with grease and rusted.
> cabinets are covered with grease.

Do they mean the bulbs are out? The fixtures are in the same condition we
received them.

The outlets never had faceplates. Do you think we walked out with the
outlet faceplates as we left?!

The fume hood was covered in grease when we moved in, but I will be
cleaning it tomorrow anyway, since it is a minor issue.

As far as I know the cabinets are not covered with grease. If they are,
we would be glad to take care of it, but I seriously doubt that is the

> as of the 19th there was trash in every room and furniture.

We hadn't moved out yet. Much of that "trash" was stuff we were in the
process of moving. Since then, Brian and Steve cleaned that stuff up. If
there's anything left, I'll take it out when I get there tomorrow.

> over all the walls and doors show dirt and need to be
> painted.

The apartment was not freshly painted and shown use when we moved in.

> smoke detectors are disabled and the fire extinguisher is
> outdated from 1998. entrance hall needs to be vacuumed.

Then this is an issue that predates us living there. We were never
provided functional smoke detectors.

Mike had purchased smoke detectors for our personal use and took them with
him when he left.

From what I understand, the hall has been vacuumed since then. If not, I'm
going to personally take care of it tomorrow.


In short, most of the cleanliness issues have either already been
addressed, or will be by the end of tomorrow.

Many of the other concerns seem to involve things predating our lease.
These include things such as electrical wiring, fire safety devices, and
outlet faceplates. Most of these we either did not notice or viewed as
minor concerns. When we brought up similar issues (the hanging lightbulb
in the back attic room, for example), they were ignored, so we did not
bother mentioning similar problems. Although we accepted these
flaws, we cannot be held responsible if the new tenents do not share our

Now, I'm sure you read all that, so I don't need to explain it. Most of her issues were stuff which were already taken care of, fucked up before we moved in, or her own god damn fault. Note, also, that the tenents visited the apartment a few weeks ago and did not complain until two days before we were going to sign the lease over.

Bitner, Steve, Diana, and I, with what little time we had left, made sure the place was in even cleaner than it was when we moved in, since these new people were proving themselves to be complete jerks.

Fast forward to the 29th. The signing time has been moved from 2:00 to 12:00. None of us were asked or notified. Fun. The night of the 29th, it occurs to us that Mike's keys are with his parents, not in the apartment. Awesome.

Now we are at the 30th. Home Depot has no qualms with copying my keys. We will have 5 sets to turn in. I get to the apartment to touch up. Namely, I apply bleach to a wall where an odd red stain had developed. If there is no paint, there is no stain, and the paint was already pretty lousy when we moved in.
Guess what? The copied key to the lock we replaced does not work, just like all the other copies we had made. Before, Steve had to file down the key so it would work. Fortunately, Steve and Bitner were in the city already, so a phone call and 30 minutes later, Steve is back to work at filing down the key. Only problem is that the only file he has is a shitty nail file like how you have attached to 99 cent nail clippers.

It's 11:45 and the first of the tenents show up. It is Joshua. He brought his whole family along. Two parents and (what seems like a dozen but is probably only) four children are rummaging through the house, waiting for everyone else. The key is not filed, so Steve and Bitner bring down a piece of wood with a nail from the attic. The nail makes a good file. The window attacks Bitner.

11:55. Everyone but Dorian is here, and everyone brought their mom and dad along. What fun. Oh, right. Laura isn't here either. She gives us a call to let us know that she will be about 20 minutes late, since she is stuck on the turnpike. Joy says she's sorry for not calling me back from last night, when I left a message inquirring if she was actually going to cancel the signing today, as threatened. She didn't appologize for any of the other calls between now and June 1st which she hasn't returned. Or being a jerk whose word means nothing. Steve and Bitner are still filing. The key will lock, but not unlock. 4.5 keys isn't a bad deal, right?

12:15. The key works. Sort of. You need the strength of a strong person to unlock the door. The kids are slowly driving us mad. Bitner shadily stows the boarded nail in the attic once more.

12:20. Dorian shows up. Laura hasn't.

12:30. Diana, Bitner, Steve, and I have staked out the kitchen. New tenents occationally wander in, but soon drift away to the New Tenent Stronghold in the livingroom.

12:45. I sarcasticly mutter, "Gee. I guess Laura's late" as she walks in the front door. She meets Diana for the first time, and introduces herself to everyone. One by one. Dear lord.

1:00. The longest checkout ever takes place. We hold our ground in the kitchen, letting Laura deal with The Parents.

1:20. We're still hanging out.

1:40. Laura pulls us aside and tells us that the tenents want painting and professional cleaning to come out of our security deposit, since they are "doing us a favor". We quirp that we were "doing them a favor" by not showing the apartment for other people, even though they didn't go half and half with us for the summer, as they promised. And how they twice in a row left things sitting in our lap at the very last moment. She agrees but thinks that the group is not going to take the place today. I start twitching and declare that if they're not accepting the place today, it isn't available to them. Everyone else appologises for my outburst and twitching.

1:45. Laura pulls us aside and says she doesn't think she'll accept one of the tenents. She is concerned that since this person is complaining so much now, they might expect repairs to actually get done. I refrain from pointing out that taking care of repairs is her only responsibility and pondering why we were paying her $330/month, but I do start twitching again. Others point out that we have leases, and if she rejects just one, they're all going to go elsewhere.

1:55 We're waiting in the kitchen as she "wraps things up" with the tenents. She repeatedly points out that once you sign there's no going back and it is final. It is obvious she's trying to get the complainer to flake out. It isn't working.
2:00. She's still trying.

2:10. We're finally signing. Whew!


I was going to write about how One Acts went, but that'll have to be another entry. This is hella long already.

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  • My tweets

    Mon, 08:57: RT @ thomdunn: New inspiration just dropped

  • My tweets

    Fri, 23:43: RT @ TheParkerJam: Have any fellow EST @ Fusion fans been following this year? Between new time zone and the gaps between games, I…

  • My tweets

    Fri, 10:53: RT @ TheParkerJam: I can now say I'm in an Among Us YouTube video that has features Kimi, Ellum, and Chilled. 🤯(OK, it's a…