This revelation was shocking, but don't worry! It's important to stay calm. My relationship to you will not change unless if you are one of the uggos. Got to keep appearances!
The only bad part about this is I need to get shitty clothes to offset my god given looks or get a new job.
Afterward, I should go to a park to make fun of the fuggly babies. That should cheer me up.
See? Nothing's really going to change.